The Surprising & Unbelievable Dark Side Of Open Relationships: Aubrey Marcus | E242

TL;DR

  • Aubrey Marcus discusses his mission of total human optimization and the formative influence of his parents on his worldview
  • He shares his vision quest experience and the pivotal partnership with Joe Rogan that transformed Onnit into a successful brand
  • The episode explores the dark side of open relationships and polyamory, revealing uncomfortable truths about relationship structures
  • Aubrey provides practical advice on making any relationship work through honesty, vulnerability, and understanding core relationship needs
  • He discusses common mistakes people make in relationships and how to address them for genuine connection
  • The conversation covers his transition from Onnit to Fit For Service and his philosophy on service-based leadership

Key Moments

2:03

Your mission and early context

17:14

The influence of your parents

32:15

Your vision quest experience

1:01:13

Love and the truth about polyamory

1:21:21

How to make any relationship work

Episode Recap

In this solo episode, Aubrey Marcus opens up about his journey as an entrepreneur and his deeper exploration into human optimization and relationships. Steven Bartlett guides Aubrey through his early mission and the significant influence his parents had on shaping his philosophy and approach to life. Aubrey reflects on how his upbringing instilled in him a desire to push boundaries and question conventional wisdom, principles that would later define his entire career.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn when Aubrey discusses his vision quest experience, a transformative event that changed his perspective on spirituality and purpose. This spiritual foundation became central to his entrepreneurial ethos. Aubrey then shares the remarkable story of meeting Joe Rogan and how their partnership became the catalyst for Onnit's explosive growth. The introduction of Alpha BRAIN as a nootropic supplement, combined with Rogan's endorsement, transformed Onnit from a startup into a recognized brand in the biohacking community.

A significant portion of the episode addresses what many consider the dark side of open relationships and polyamory. Aubrey brings raw honesty to this discussion, exploring the emotional complexities and challenges that arise when conventional relationship structures are abandoned. Rather than presenting polyamory as a simple lifestyle choice, he discusses the psychological toll, ego conflicts, and often-unspoken jealousies that can emerge. This candid exploration challenges listeners to think deeply about their own relationship choices and what structures actually serve human flourishing.

Bartlett and Aubrey then pivot to practical relationship advice, emphasizing that making any relationship work requires radical honesty, vulnerability, and understanding what each partner actually needs. Aubrey stresses that most relationship problems stem not from the structure itself but from a lack of authentic communication. He identifies key mistakes people consistently make, particularly avoiding difficult conversations and failing to address root insecurities.

The episode also touches on Aubrey's evolution from business builder to service-oriented leader. After stepping down from Onnit, he developed Fit For Service as a coaching platform designed to help others achieve their own optimization goals. This transition reflects a maturation in his thinking, moving from building a company to building people.

Throughout the conversation, Aubrey demonstrates why he has become such an influential figure in wellness and personal development circles. His willingness to explore uncomfortable topics with nuance and honesty, combined with his practical wisdom about human relationships and growth, provides listeners with both challenge and guidance. The episode ultimately suggests that true optimization extends far beyond physical performance to include emotional intelligence, authentic relationships, and purposeful service to others.

Notable Quotes

Total human optimization isn't just about building a successful company, it's about building yourself into the person you're meant to be

The dark side of open relationships is that we often use them to avoid the real work of intimacy and vulnerability

Most relationship problems aren't about the structure, they're about the lack of honest communication

Your vision quest isn't about finding answers, it's about learning to ask the right questions

Service isn't the opposite of success, it's the foundation of it

Products Mentioned