The Sex Psychologist: We're Not Having Enough Sex! Fat Makes You Attractive! Dr Bill Von Hippel

In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, Steven Bartlett sits down with Dr Bill von Hippel to explore how evolutionary psychology shapes every aspect of modern life, from our happiness and attraction patterns to our struggles with relationships and meaning. Dr von Hippel brings a unique perspective to contemporary challenges by examining them through the lens of our ancestral biology, revealing uncomfortable truths about the gap between what we've evolved for and what modern society demands.

The conversation opens with a fundamental question: what are we getting wrong as a species? Dr von Hippel suggests that many of our modern struggles stem from a mismatch between our evolved psychology and our current environment. Our ancestors operated in small, tight-knit communities with clear hierarchies and predictable futures. Today, we live in cities with millions of strangers, infinite choice, and constant comparison, which our brains weren't designed to handle. This explains why, despite material abundance, happiness levels have plateaued or declined.

One of the episode's most valuable discussions centers on attraction. Contrary to popular belief, the single most attractive trait across genders is humor. This makes biological sense: humor requires intelligence, emotional awareness, and the ability to navigate complex social situations. It's a reliable signal of genetic and psychological fitness. The conversation then explores why successful, intelligent women often struggle to find partners compared to their male counterparts. The economic mismatch is critical here. Historically, women sought men of higher status and resources. Now that many women have achieved professional and financial success, there's a smaller pool of men who exceed them on these metrics, creating a genuine market problem.

Dating apps receive significant scrutiny as Steven and Dr von Hippel discuss how technology has disrupted natural mate selection. Apps provide unlimited choice, which paradoxically makes decision-making harder and reduces satisfaction. The swipe culture has also created a commodification of potential partners, fundamentally changing how humans approach relationships.

A striking portion of the episode addresses demographic collapse. Birth rates are falling across developed nations, and people are having less sex. Dr von Hippel presents data suggesting we're moving toward a crisis where insufficient reproduction threatens societal stability. This isn't about judgment but about understanding the biological and environmental factors driving these changes, from economic pressures to the availability of alternatives to parenthood.

The episode also delves into evolutionary explanations for mental health conditions. ADHD, anxiety, and depression all have ancestral roots where certain traits provided advantages. The hypervigilance of anxiety once protected against predators. The divergent thinking of ADHD helped problem-solving. In modern environments, these become dysfunctional, but they're not defects; they're mismatches.

Throughout the conversation, Dr von Hippel emphasizes that understanding our evolutionary nature isn't about returning to the past but about recognizing the tensions we face. We must acknowledge what we are biologically while intentionally designing lives and societies that promote flourishing despite these tensions.